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Webmaster Job Opening
at DesignStop.Com ...
Dream Job: Webmaster for DesignStop.Com
The Board of Directors for Alcove Consulting have decided that the current
webmaster for DesignStop.Com is no longer fulfilling the rigorous demands
of this dream job. A hidden camera installed in the DesignStop.Com production
studio unanimously confirmed to the Directors that despite his modest
past contributions, Mr. Macintosh is clearly now a liability. For evidence
- click
here.
The role of webmaster at DesignStop.Com is a challenging position. Reporting
to the Board of Directors the webmiester is responsible for all aspects
of DesignStop.Com. The mandate is to develop the site as a world class
resource for homepage makers everywhere. The applicant for this dream
job must be accustomed to working long hours with limited human contact.
Prodigious output must be consistently creative and responsive to the
site's users. The successful webmaster will have the skills and abilities
necessary to anticipate internet trends, plan content direction, and match
that content to the visitor profile. The successful applicant will also
have the planning, writing, graphic, and internet-related skills necessary
to create high quality content with limited assistance.
The applicant must
also have an aptitude for the marketing and promotion of the site. The
board has high ethical standards of what will be considered appropriate
marketing and promotional activities. The board strongly endorses the
ethical marketing philosophy of Dr.
Ken Evoy and expect any applicant to be well versed in his proven
approach to building a successful website.
In every respect
the applicant must do a better job than Mr. Macintosh has done; fortunately
the Board does not believe those boots will be difficult to fill. The
applicant should understand that the job requires an enthusiastic attitude
and a cheerful demeanor in the face of inevitable hardships - whining
to the Board will not be tolerated. The schedule for this dream job is
seven days a week without vacation or benefits. Remuneration is not commensurate
with experience or ability; this webmaster job opening requires a deep
love of the power of creation ( and perhaps blind faith in the outside
chance of a merger or acquisition ). Stock options will be negotiated
instead of paying fairly for services rendered.
Email a brief outline of why you deserve a shot at being our webmaster.
It can be sent to Jobsearch@DesignStop.Com;
all submissions become the property of the Board and cannot be returned.
Your personal
information will be treated in a strictly confidential manner although
as a exceptionally generous and extraordinary public service to the most
worthy applicants, the Board may at its discretion publish submissions
at this site - Perhaps someone else will hire you to be their webmaster
if not the Board.
Note: Please quit your day job and put your life on hold awaiting a call
for an interview. It makes us feel important. We regret that the Board
is unable to acknowledge every applicant. ( We are all busy corporate
leaders - we don't actually devote much time to overseeing DesignStop.Com
). When the right person comes along for this dream job the Board will
make contact and only then. Don't call us - We'll call you. Note that
you can return here for status updates on how our search for our webmaster
job opening is going.
Thankyou for your
time,
I.P.
Nickels, Chairperson
Alcove Consulting Board of Directors
Alcove Consulting
is an equal opportunity employer.
It does not discriminate on the basis of ability, stupidity, skin color,
sex, race, age, national origin, criminal record, physical disability,
drug use, height, weight, illiteracy, gambling addiction, attractiveness,
incontinence, infectious disease, eye color, fashion sense, shoe size,
health status, number of Michael Bolton recordings, marital status, sexual
preference (or not), education, use of foul language, security clearance,
dental hygiene, political affiliations, tattoos and/or piercings, musical
preference, cholesterol level, hair length, designer labels, color blindness,
foot fungus, golf handicap, fingernail length, vocabulary, emotional challenges,
visible panty lines, phobias, stand on gun control, religion, paranormal
ability, net worth, karma, credit rating, IQ, inability to recite Monty
Python sketches, photogeniality, lineage, sexual dysfunction, apathy,
fan club memberships, neck size, past lives, plant care skills, or even
body odor. What really matters is that you can do the job and do it well.
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