Even you could be the content

I know it is hard to believe but there are several dozen web surfers out there who'd be interested in a site about you. It all comes down to their wanting to know why you are so pathetic. Do them a public service and create a site all about you. Nobody can do it as poorly as you. Just to keep them depressed, make the site as comprehensive as possible. That shouldn't be hard, given all the crap you've experienced in your so-called life.

You should provide your life story. Be sure to tell them about your early years: your earliest and scariest memories, and your early failures. Tell them about your first rejection - people really like the depressing stuff. Outline all of your many failures and embarrassing moments. Give them insights into why you are so pathetic. Don't leave anything out because they will, of course, be interested.

In addition to your life story, it is very important that you provide a photo gallery. Again the more comprehensive the better. Your snotty-faced baby pictures are an absolute must. People will want to see all of your depressing school pictures too. Be sure to point out the bullies in your class photos. Do you have any disturbing pictures? Include them because people will be very grossed out that you included them. Remember that many web surfers have painfully slow modems: since you don't care, don't provide thumbnails of each photo so they download quicker. Wherever possible annotate your photos with a thorough description to help show how painful they are to you.

It is a good idea to include details on the few things that you like and all the things that you hate. Your rants will help people to better understand what's going on inside your head.

Be sure to include a section of quick facts. This is where you can describe your least favorite color, your body piercings, your scars, your body odor problem, etc. Similarly, you can provide a press kit. It would be a summarized version of what is on your website. It allows media types to more quickly write articles about you in the event of your untimely death.

On a more serious note, if you feel rage with the world you can create a website as a way of working through your problems. Don't let worries about style, punctuation, or spelling stop you - they don't really matter. What is important is that you communicate how you feel, and what you think. It will give you a creative outlet for what you have bottled up inside. Exercising creativity will make you feel more alive.

When I said above that there are "several dozen web surfers out there who'd be interested in a site about you" - I was just trying to be funny. In reality there would be many thousands of people who would be interested. If you ask them to, many visitors will email you or fill out a guest book entry. The internet is all about communication.

For an example of the kind of personal page I'm talking about, you should check out Walter Miller's Home Page. This guy created a crude and painfully honest website about his dysfunctional family life. Most people find his life so pathetic it is funny. Walter learned that he could make people laugh. The response from the internet world was incredible. He has won numerous awards and he gets lots of mail that no doubt takes his attention away from all his problems.

PS. Elsewhere on this site, buried deep somewhere I have a page that features a poem about a gruesome murder. I thought I'd bring it up here so that you won't miss it. If you liked this page you'll love the poem. It's great - find it here.